" But Rocky won't let any other guys near her and since all of the women, except for me, have to accept more than one man, everyone is jealous." Why d...n't you have a couple of men?" Seamus asked."'Cause your Mom told everyone I could go at my own pace and made it stick." I guess that's 'cause of what Julius and his gang did to you?" Yeah, I don't know if you knew about it but he hurt me pretty badly." More than just hitting your face I think..." Yeah, your Mom isn't sure I'll ever be able to. At one time, that was a hard task for me, but not now. The flickers ofshame and disgust at myself I experience are permitted, so long as theydon't prevent me from completing my task.My mother smiles at me as she drops me off. She has no idea what goes oninside. Nor can I tell her. How could a nine-year-old boy tell his motherhe is evil?It has been two years since my first Visit, but I cannot recall most ofthem, except in short flashes. I do know that today's Visit is supposedto be special.. It was still very long and perfect for sucking. I would push it to the back of my throat, heave and pull it out. I would try different positions and a variety of techniques before I would go to bed. Some of those included, shove it in very fast, very slowly, drive it back and forth very quickly, try to swallow it, and twist it around. I did get to where I found my own personal preferences that worked best for me. The guy I was dating at the time could tell a big difference in a relatively short. To Jeff, it was a non-issue. She still looked good to him. He was glad that she didn't color her hair. Barbara interpreted Jeff's lack of concern as indifference. She was self-conscious of her aging. She looked in the mirror one morning and found that she was no longer a blushing maiden. Jeff sensed her displeasure, but misjudged the depth of it.All of these factors combined together to create an atmosphere that was unpleasant and tense. At times things would improve, but some issue would arise.
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