..”I gestured wordlessly for her to continue. I was forcing her to say it, to affirm to herself as much as to me.She breathed out a heavy sigh. “U...ually, when I’m um ... well ... when I’m with someone, I have to be the one in control. Saying what I want, how I want it...” she trailed off.I waited.“I ... I liked being told what to do.”There it was, the admission that put her squarely in my reach. I breathed slowly, deeply, calculating. She was there for the taking, if I wanted her.I am a Man. I. She kept it up the whole week, and I was beginning to dread going to lunch. Ellie thought it was hilarious, and kinda blew me off when I said it was disrespectful of Frank. Ellie kept egging Beth on.Friday after school, Ellie and I spent some time reviewing things we thought we’d need for finals followed by some time spent cuddling on the couch. She kept teasing me about the party. I didn’t want to go but felt not joining in would be kinda judging them, although I figured some of them would be. There are times I feel the sameway. When I feel lonely, that's when I try to think of the goodtimes I've had. It always lifts me up in a way." "I've never thought about that. That is a great idea! I will haveto try that. I've been working on jigsaw puzzles when I get lonely.That takes my mind off of things and I sleep better then." "I used to do jigsaw puzzles. I haven't done any in years!" "I'll drop some off for you. I have 1000 piece ones up the yazooand I have a 5000 piece one that took. There's one for Myrtle Beach so I can either sit in Memphis and not get paid, I can drive home without a load and not get paid or I can drive to Myrtle Beach and get paid. So, what do I do?"I jumped right in. "You drive to Myrtle Beach." Exactly, but when I get there guess how many loads are waiting to go to Orlando? Zero. I can head either to Cincinnati or to Miami. So I pick up a load for Miami, and off I go down I-95. Miami is a good place because of the port, so I can usually find a load.
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